Picture this – you’re open to new stuff in the bedroom and you have so much fun experimenting. One day, you decide to suggest sex toys to your partner… only to find out they disapprove of the idea and aren’t willing to spice things up.
Learning that your significant other doesn’t like sex toys is a massive blow, especially if you’ve been excited about the idea for months. The understanding you’re not on the same sexual wavelength will shake the way you’ve been seeing the relationship up until now.
Should you just give up on the idea and stick to what you already know and do? Here’s how to handle the situation in a way that benefits both of you.
Don’t Push It
Allow some time for things to cool off after the initial conversation.
At that moment, your partner will probably be defensive and unwilling to explain further.
Don’t push it. Asking for an explanation or attempting to deepen the discussion will solely have you banging your head against a wall.
Give them some time to process the request and what it entails. It’s possible for your partner to come around after a few days and continue talking about the topic. Let them understand the idea and come to terms with their reaction. You will get additional answers but the moment isn’t perfect to keep pushing.
Understand Their Hesitation
If you haven’t been offered a reason for the sex toy dislike, you should try to understand (gently) where the sentiment stems from.
Some people feel threatened by sex toys. They may have a poor body image issues or some performance anxiety. The idea to bring in a battery-powered and super fulfilling sex machine to the bedroom will only make these anxieties worse.
Some people have cultural upbringings that turn sex toys into something completely taboo.
Some are simply not very sexual or keen on erotic explanation.
Understand the fact that whatever their reason, it’s a valid one. Accept it with compassion and empathy. Telling someone their beliefs are stupid is far from the best way to keep the conversation going.
Focus on Other Kinds of Sexual Experimentation
If your partner seems set in their ways, stop discussing the topic at the time being.
There are ways to broaden your sexual routine without needing sex toys at first.
So, try talking about new sexy stuff that your partner will be willing to do. Ask about their fantasies or something sexual they’d be interested in doing that you haven’t attempted in the bedroom so far.
Such conversations build trust and intimacy. They create an atmosphere of openness and sexual exploration.
Also, there’s a well-known saying that most people’s appetite comes with eating good food. Improving sex through experiments can get your partner curious about additional erotic endeavors.
Start Out Simple
Mutual trust and a strong relationship can eventually get your partner interested in trying something new.
When this happens, you may want to keep the introduction of adult items limited to simple products that are well-aligned with your partner’s needs and preferences.
For example, if your guy feels somewhat insecure about their size, try a hollow strap on for men. Not only will it give them a bigger penis to build their confidence, the strap-on will also give you a new sensation you wouldn’t get through regular penetrative sex.
If your partner needs additional stimulation to orgasm, get a simple and strong clitoral suction toy. It’s a non-threatening, non-penetrative item that can only enhance sex through targeted additional stimulation.
You don’t need a chest full of sex toys to enjoy novelty and more intensity. A few simple, well-chosen items will be more than enough to deliver that much needed sense of freshness. Also, shopping for sex toys with your partner can be as exciting and bonding as actually using those later on.
Be Honest and Reevaluate Your Sexual Needs
You shouldn’t have to massively compromise your sexual needs because someone else is on a different wavelength.
Do reevaluate your needs and the desire to use sex toys. Is this something that you really want and need? Will your sex life suffer if you decide to give up on the idea?
You shouldn’t be forced to give up something that’s very important to you sexually.
Sexual compatibility plays a massive role in satisfying relationships. Giving something up right now may not seem like a big deal. Eventually, however, you may start feeling resentment because you’ve had to give up something exciting to make a significant other feel good.
Let your partner know how you feel about their refusal. Seek a solution together. You may be capable of coming up with something that delivers the intensity and novelty you’re craving. If you are dealing with a person who’s completely unwilling to consider your sexual needs, however, you may have to reconsider the partnership and seek something that is better aligned with your sexual desires. Such a move could be beneficial for both of you, even if this may not seem to be the case right off the bat.